Monday, October 31, 2005

In the name of $$$

Saturday night, I attended a Halloween party hosted by one of the local radio stations. My reasons for attending were that I know the djs for the station and because the grand prize for the best costume was $1000. When I found out this was the prize, I called up my friend and made her an offer: we'd help each other with our costumes and if either of us won, we'd split the money. I decided to go as a skanky nun, and she decided to go as a skanky girlscout. Now, I am not in the habit of dressing like a skank, but for $1000, I'll make an exception.

My costume turned out really well. I made the nun habit by sewing the head piece and using graduation robes. I was very impressed with the head piece simply because I've never sewn anything in my life and it turned out perfect. I caked on some makeup (which is also something I dont do) and I wore about 6 different celtic crosses around my neck all on different length chains. Under the robes, I wore a black mini skirt, a black tanktop, fishnets, and fuckme boots. I made sure a lacey red bra was showing out the top of my tanktop.

My friend's costume was her old GS vest with a tiny brown skirt and she tied her hair in pig tails. She taped on some suggestive patches that said things like "troop 69" and "best head" and "co-ed naked ice skating champ." She also had a little tin of cookies with a sign on it that said "Would you like to taste my cookies?" Throughout the night she was offering cookies from her tin to men on the dance floor. It was pretty funny.

We get to the party and I say to my friend, "So, fifty-fifty, right?" And she looks at me and says, "When I win, I'll take you to dinner, but hell if I'm splitting it with you." Now this friend of mine has always been a bit of a bitch, and I know it, but usually she keeps it under control enough not to cross me, mostly because she doesnt have many female friends and can't afford to lose any. But like I said, I'm used to her bitchiness and I take it in stride. Besides, if I won, I wouldnt have to split it with her either.

When the djs called for the contestants, everyone went before us. My friend got up on stage, held up her cookies and wiggled her hips to the music a little. People weren't very impressed simply because all the girls who preceeded her did things just a little bit more...skankily. Besides, no one could read her tin or see her patches. When I went up there, I was in full robes and everyone kept shouting "NO! That's so wrong" and "Dont let a nun be in the sleazy contest!" I waited for the music to start and dropped the robes and the entire crowd gasped in unison. It was awesome. I danced. I was shocked at my own brazenness, and terrified at the same time. I dont like to have a lot of people looking at me. But everyone cheered. The two finalists for that segment were myself and Rainbowbrite.

When I came down from the initial runthrough, my friend looked very dejected and said "I dont know why my costume didnt win." This friend of mine has a body better than mine, and she likes to show it off, so usually, when we go out men like her better than me. It doesn't bother me. I stopped trying to compete with other women a long time ago, but she hasnt learned that lesson yet. She was, dare I say, disgusted, that anyone would like me bettter than her. So in order to make the men in the crowd like her better she told me "So, if it looks like its going to be a close call between the two of you, I'll jump up on the stage and make out with you." Dumbly, I agreed. I had the contest anyway, yet she jumped up and made out with me anyhow.

It was a little bit funny, and I won an mp3 player, so I couldnt really complain.

Right before the final competition for the $1000, they had a suprise category which was "anything goes" and my friend started going crazy. She wanted me to get up on stage with her and make out or do something freaky, and she kept saying 50/50! 50/50! as if I wanted to share shit with her after she pretty much told me to screw off at the beginning of the night. Not to mention the fact that it would look completely retarded for me to go up there agains since I was already a finalist. I was really worried that she was going to go up there and make an ass of herself, so I had to bribe her with 40% of my potential winnings for her not to do it.

Our plan for the final competition was that she would come up only if it looked like someone else was going to get it. Well, they called me and I went up on stage and she followed right behind me and stuck her tongue down my throat. She definitely looked like the drunk girl who had to be the center of everyone's attention. People weren't really charmed by it at all.

Oh, did I mention through all this her boyfriend and my boyfriend were there? Her boyfriend was completely embarrassed by her behavior, as was mine. I was completely humilated because I don't like kissing girls. I have no desire to. I like dick. I like men. End of story. The first time she and I made out on stage, it was funny. The second time, it was pathetic.

The Garden Gnome won the $1000.


At Mon Oct 31, 08:37:00 PM EST, Blogger Dave/Scott said...

What? Women don't like making out with eachother? Damn, there goes another fantasy.


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