Thursday, August 11, 2005

Twat

I am twenty-two years old and I am, for the first time, experiencing roommates. Pathetic, you may say. Perhaps. But when living with one's parents is the only way to afford college, the choice between an education which will bring job opportunities and a greater income vs the minor humiliation of living with mommy and daddy is an obvious one. The situation is "special" because I am an only child and this is my first time on my own--but wait! It gets better! I am renting a house from my parents with three other people. Talk about getting the shit end of the stick. The house is huge, and nice, and in a nice family-type neigborhood. My parents love this house. So if anything goes wrong in the house, whose neck is in the noose but mine ?

Overall, the situation isnt too bad. Of my three roomies, I know two of them very well. One is my cousin, so I know she won't do anything damaging to the house. Another is my boyfriend. And you know...I know him pretty well. I'm sleeping with him and all. And he lives in my bedroom. So nothing too disasterous will come from him. The other fellow we live with is a guy my boyfriend works with. He's pretty nice. He's chill. Very respectful. So, I doubt he will generate any problems.

Seems perfect, right? The problem is not the roommates. The problem is the roommate's girlfriend. I swear, this girl spends more time in my house than I do. She washes more laundry here than I do. She eats more food here than I do. (But she doesn't have more sex here than I do...that's a title she will not get.) The woman is going to end up costing us money. If this goes on much longer, I am going to demand she starts paying rent.

At first I thought that maybe the problem was me. Perhaps I just havent had roomie experiences before so I dont know how to be patient or understanding. But I thought it through. This girl should not be.

Perhaps her presence wouldn't bother me so much if her presence wasn't always such a fucking production. For example, she likes to point out that she is small. She's little, granted, but I wouldn't exactly categorize her as small. She's one of those people you look at and you can tell she is going to be very pear shaped by the time she is thirty. She's also one of those people who has to laugh louder than everyone else. She has to stand to talk so everyone focuses on her. Grrr! Why? Why cant she sit down and shut up? Last night, I was watching We Were Soldiers with my two dude roommates. It was the last half hour of the movie...the part where you find out who lives and who dies. Its the part you have to watch because you already watched most of the damn movie so you might as well see the fucking ending. She comes over. Comes right in the house and starts talking and yelling and making a shit load of noise. Then she starts talking about how stupid the military is and how military movies are "gay." I couldnt believe she was actaually stupid enough to say that in front of me, whose father retired from the army last year, served in two wars, and was moved all over the fucking world because of it. And I was even more shocked that she said it in front of my boyfriend whose father is a general and has given his entire life to the military. She made me HATE her just because she didnt have the common courtesy to shut the fuck up when someone is watching a movie. If she had shut up, she wouldn't have insulted half the people who live here. Had we been in a theater, I would have pelted Hot Tomales at her.

She's dumb. She's common. She's loud.

If her noise affects my studying, "accidents" will happen.

Dave. Help me plot. I need your devious mind to help me plot untracable...inconveniences.

7 Comments:

At Thu Aug 11, 08:37:00 PM EDT, Blogger Dave/Scott said...

First, NEVER plot over public forums!

 
At Thu Aug 11, 10:05:00 PM EDT, Blogger Don't Panic said...

Then I plot over pubic forums.

 
At Fri Aug 12, 08:00:00 AM EDT, Blogger Dave/Scott said...

Argh! Then you leave evidence, but we'll work with this. First, you must consider what you cannot do. I'm guessing nothing that'll be harmful to the house.

 
At Fri Aug 12, 09:01:00 AM EDT, Blogger Dave/Scott said...

Ahhh, and you thought your parents were bad to live with. Rule #1 of roommates, never room with friends (ignore the fact that I'm breaking this rule in the Fall).

 
At Fri Aug 12, 01:02:00 PM EDT, Blogger Don't Panic said...

Gosh, I'd like to live alone...

 
At Fri Aug 12, 01:09:00 PM EDT, Blogger Dave/Scott said...

Wouldn't we all?

 
At Fri Aug 19, 08:23:00 AM EDT, Blogger Jack and Coke said...

Neverlive with your boyfriend/girlfriend...

 

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